i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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