If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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