So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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