Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
