the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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