I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
