Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
