everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
