Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I love having hate sex.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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