I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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