I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
