well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
