Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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