I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
