I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
