you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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