Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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