Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
