All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
