He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
