I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Operation Purity has been aborted
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
