Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
