Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
