Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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