I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
