The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
