I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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