i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
