My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
