the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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