You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
