i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
