i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
