I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
