yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
