What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
