i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
