Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
