Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
