it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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