dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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