is your mom at the bar?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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