Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
