Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
