If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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