I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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