Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
