Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
