There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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