Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
